So I hear there's a heat wave

Friends and family in the US have been speaking of this "heat wave." My brother was IMing me the other day saying - jaimie i am soo hot. How hot is it? I replied. He knew he was being set up. To offer some comparable indicators, it's currently a cool 88 and I am outside typing on my porch; my air-conditioner is set to 80 degrees. Drissa came home to faux-summer in the US (78) yesterday and went inside to get a jacket.

I am now flying solo. This is of course horrible for my personal life - no husband, but has a mixed effect on my work. Drissa is a total facilitator - since he is from Mali - sometimes I look to him for mediation, etc. This is natural, but it makes me a bit dependent. Minus Drissa, I need to figure it all out myself - there is no hesitation I just go into automatic pilot and satisfice. I am starting to set up some systems (and make use of my refrigerator so not as much running around - hence last night: purchased an entire roast chicken, will eat remaining half for lunch).

It's not always easy to be here with your Malian spouse. Sure, I get way enhanced street cred for being married, but in Mali is that there is no concept of "couple's private time." The self-inflicted isolation of movie nights, cooking together, or any other types of coupley behavior that exist in the US are absent here. Now, I tend to think of Drissa and I as a little bit Malian - we like living with people and since we have been married have always had a roommate. But here, the stream of calls and visitations make me see the American side of myself. As Drissa fields calls at 11, 12, 1 in the morning asking him to do stuff - I find myself uttering "Don't they know you are married." Aghast - I can't believe I am saying stuff like that - resorting to some kind of weird 1950s rhetoric. I guess the scariest/most jarring aspect is realizing what weird latent parts of your culture you carry with you, no matter how much adapt, immerse, etc. This all makes me respect Drissa that much more - to be able to balance and finesse the transition between these two very different worlds with such ease and grace.

So I am forging my path alone "solo." Luckily, I have two families (Drissa's and my own host family) as well as my RAs, my basketball team, friends, and now domestic staff (my house cleaner and driver - more on domestic help in another post) so I am far from alone here. Last night I was out doing surveys until 7, then taught English until 9:30 and ate dinner at 10:30. Despite my entourage and crazy schedule, when I did hear about Drissa's arrival in the US, drinks and dinner with my mom, brother, dad, and dog on the deck in NJ, I got a little bit home sick.